Greetings land-lubbing Fold!
As frightening as it may seem to some of you, I work with children. Last night, a boy brought in a superheroes coloring book. It was a Fischer Price Super Friends something or other. Page by page it was showing each of the Super Friends (Batman, Superman, Green Lantern and some other people that I’ve never heard of, but I guess are a part of the new regimen). They were showcasing each one’s superpowers and abilities. But when it came to Aquaman… well…
You’ll notice that in this one, Aquaman and all his “superpowers” are providing entertainment for a child on an inner tube. All of the superpowers of a motor boat. Congratulations, Aquaman. You’re really moving up in the world. You know, at resorts, they pay these near-carnies like $7.25/hour to pull people around an inlet on an inner tube.
Now, this one, I almost got excited about. I thought it was announcing his death, mob-style. Unfortunately, I read it again, and it just said he’s “swimming” with them, and not “sleeping”. Bummer.
But, then I figured it out. I figured out why no one likes Aquaman!
8 replies on “Nobody likes Aquaman”
Are you saying people prefer Hasselhoff to Aquaman? SO sad…
Haha. No, I’m suggesting they’re the same person.
I like Aquaman.
And you’re admitting to it? What does he do?
For starters, in “Batman: Brave and the Bold” he’s one of the best characters. And in that show, he casually tosses a tank at a bunch of demons.
Other than that, he’s able to speak with most aquatic life-forms (including fish, whales, sharks, octopi, what have you) and since he’s the King of Atlantis, and therefore King of the Seas, they usually listen to him. Also, since he’s used to operating at the depths of the ocean, when he’s not under the pressure of those depths, he’s much faster and stronger since he’s not under all that pressure.
Aquaman is strong. In our world he’d be the most powerful person on Earth. In DC, he’s nothing. Anyone and their grandmother can toss a tank in DC. It’d take Batman four minutes and a screwdriver to make a mech suit that could. Super-strength is a casual power every second-stringer and remotely buff guy gets.
Aquaman fails because all of his powers are just inferior versions of someone else’s. Everything he can do someone else can do better. Including that stupid fish telepathy crap.
Namor is far better than Aquaman. He’s Aquaman, if Aquaman didn’t look like an idiot and get outclassed in every way. Namor is actually capable of taking on several Avengers by himself, Aquaman would get his arse raped by a drunken Blue Beetle.
well, he is better than the sub-mariner. so…that’s something.
WHAT? Blasphemy Namor is 100 times better than aquaman…no contest