Reflection and Gazing: Thoughts on Creating

Greetings “in-it-for-the-long-haul” Fold!

It has been humbling to see you guys sticking it out with me even when I post erratically. It makes me want to keep drawing and keep posting. You guys rock. Seriously. After months of being turned down for jobs, it was always nice to know that I could still make people laugh. That’s helpful.

But anyway… (this might be long)…

Reflection

It’s been a few months since I released the first volume of The Underfold, Best Apocalypse Ever. I spent, potentially, too much time on it. One of the funny things about being a writer/creator/author/artist/whatever is that you often think your ideas are pretty great. That someone will like them. Somewhere. That people will buy the things you create. That they will laugh/cry/scream/rave/rant about the things you produce.

But the reality is, it’s not always like that. People are writing amazing books out there. Creating great comics. Creating great art.

But no one will ever know about it. They will go unnoticed in the annals of time.

Meanwhile, the people churning out the same old stuff continue to produce the same old stuff and make a salary enough to make most of us unknown creators balk.

It’s not all bad. If it was easy to get noticed, then we’d probably want to be less known. There’s an inherent, odd satisfaction in being an “indie” creator. The people that find and follow feel like an elite group. But, as much as we all love “indie” music/comics/whatever the creators need to eat and probably want to be famous. Then they’re sell-outs. I’m not going to lie to you. I want to be a sell-out.

Looking back over my comic, I started The Underfold in the premise of being less known. At my church, I was a renengade. The comic was started in a place where no one but the “Fold” knew about. Then I started enjoying it. Figured more people would enjoy it too if they could read it. With the Internet, I think everyone hopes their blog/comic/webpage gets popular. We all know of the amazing stories of people getting book deals and movie contracts, etc. from their blog/comic/webpage.

Stuff Christians Like. Scott Pilgrim. Maybe it’s something to do with “S”.

After a while, The Underfold was honestly doing the best it had ever done. I’m an analytics junkie, so I was checking them everyday. I had the ads on the site installed to begin advertising, so more people could see it too. Then the book.

The book was a pivotal part of The Underfold’s future. It was to be the “first” volume. Not the “only” volume. Not to say that it will be the only one, but we’ll see. The book was a symbol to say that, I’m moving into the next phase.

I’m ready.

But, it didn’t go over well. The people that bought it have liked it. There have been great reviews. Overall, though, I thought I had some pretty low expectations (think about 20 books sold). I overestimated.

Please know that I’m not trying to complain or even whine about this. I’m not mad/sad/whatever about it. This is how being an “indie” creator is. People have to know that. There’s this weird mix when you’re a creator that you have to be part creative and part salesman. Or is it wholly creative and wholly salesman…?

I know that a portion of my followers are “indie” creators. Quite a few of you I’ve gotten to know outside of the comments section (still not in person though; don’t get crazy). You guys are awesome. Most of you, I have no idea why you ask me for advice or my opinion on stuff. You’re crazy to do so. Most of you are far superior to me.

There was still a portion of me that hoped something crazy would happen with the book. That it would take off. That my expectations would be exceeded in a mighty way. That the heavens would open and shower me with money and fame and the comic would suddenly become something I did for a living. What creative person wouldn’t want that?

It’s interesting because that was the thing that was disappointing. Not that my expectations weren’t even met, but that my hopes and dreams weren’t actualized.

It’s funny. Even now, as I write that, my logical side says, But you weren’t even expecting 20 sales. Why be disappointed that you’re not a famous author now? You knew this was coming.

Again, please do not misinterpret this as whining or complaining or guilt-mongering. Many of the sites that talk about being a creative only talk about what you can do better. That you need to fail a few times so you know how to pick yourself up. When I was attempting to make my way as an novelist, speakers at conferences would tell me that I would have many rejections and that “You just can’t take it personally.”

In the same session, they would also say that you can’t hold your idea so closely. That although it is your “baby” you still couldn’t/shouldn’t take it personally when someone tells you it is a terrible idea.

What they don’t tell you is that this is impossible.

How can you invest a significant portion of your life into something and not care when other people don’t like it too? That’s stupid. You can come to terms with something, but it will still suck. It will still hurt. Even the most constructive criticism is still criticism.

Gazing

Looking forward to the future of The Underfold, one thing I would really like to do is get into supporting other creatives. I’m quite sure what that will look like, but one thing I hope to do is really encourage people who are doing something they love to do. I’m a big fan of imagination and creativity.

I’ve been known to tell kids they don’t have to color in the lines. And when my daughter is old enough to understand, I want her to have a vivid imagination. Why wouldn’t I support people who are empowering their imagination and being creative?

I still plan on posting The Underfold probably just as erratically as I have been, and probably a little more so as the baby gets here. But, I’d also like to start posting about creativity, tutorials I stumble across, drawing styles, tools, or whatever. I’m not an expert, but I have ideas and opinions and the internet. So, that’s about the same.

And, really, if you’ve read all 1000+ words in this post, you’re probably up for it.

What are some stories of criticisms you’ve received? And/Or, what are some things you’d like to see posts on?

-bman