For the majority of The Bachelor this season, I couldn’t figure out who Ben would pick. He seemed to pursue Lauren B. pretty openly, but when Ben told JoJo he loved her and her composure dissolved, there was a moment of genuine emotion that bubbled out of her that was endearing. And I think this moment was a gateway to a more open, genuine JoJo who’s relationship with Ben matched the enthusiasm she was creating.
So I started to believe. I became so sure about Team JoJo I didn’t even consider Team Lauren. And while I know that the final episode was heavily edited to make JoJo seem like a legitimate choice and that The Bachelor may be no more real than pro wrestling, part of the power of Hulkamania is THAT YOU BELIEVE.
So to watch JoJo come out of that helicopter first was devastating. Manipulated as I was, everything I’d seen of JoJo and Ben together made more sense to me. Here’s why I think Ben chose the wrong partner.
1. Lauren is very single note.
I’m pretty sure this is just because she’s on TV, but Lauren has this certain tone she uses with Ben when she’s talking with him alone. She talks slowly, like she’s rehearsing in her head before she speaks. And it comes out like the voice you use when you’re talking to an angry customer: Calm, non-threatening, devoid of emotion. She isn’t monotone in her interviews so I’m sure she’s not like this all the time, but this is the tone Ben probably hears a lot of the time when he’s talking to her (because the cameras don’t go off). So like, how do you find that attractive? It’s like listening to a man try to talk himself out of a lie. It’s painful.
She’ll say, “I kind of want to get my pilot’s license,” and, “I feel like Ben is my person. I’m in love with Ben,” in the same tone. As though they were things of equal emotional value.
She also doesn’t waiver much from smiling and “staying positive.” Ben comments on this. “I don’t know what the hard times look like with Lauren.” No, you wouldn’t. Good luck with that, buddy.
2. Ben’s justifications for loving Lauren seem nebulous, his reasons for loving JoJo seem ideal.
I suspect despite Ben’s political demeanor and charisma, he might not be very good at describing emotion, or how emotion feels. That’s fair. We can’t all be poets. But when people ask him about Lauren he’s vague. “I just can’t picture my life without her,” he’ll say. OK, but you still have to live with her for the rest of your life. I’d hope there’s more justification than that.
Or when Lauren’s sister is asking Ben about Lauren, Ben says, “There’s something about your sister I can’t put words to. I feel really lucky.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.
When people ask Ben about JoJo he says, “I am more myself around JoJo than I am around any other woman in my life.” That sounds perfect. Wouldn’t you want someone that brings the best out in you?
I guess not.
3. Ben talks to JoJo when something is wrong
On the Isle of Pigs group date there is an awkward vibe because six women are going after the same guy (and Ben is chasing after Lauren), and Ben goes to JoJo to talk about it. He tells her, “of anybody else here — you get it. You get that it’s awkward and you get that it’s hard … you get that group dates are awkward when people pull me away I have to talk in front of everybody else.” They discuss and resolve the awkwardness together and feel better about it because of that.
Later that episode, Ben has to talk to Lauren about some accusation another girl made in the house and Lauren just freezes. She can’t speak to it, she can’t wrap her head around it. NICE ONE, LAUREN.
Ben is more honest with JoJo. I knew in the preview for the final episode that Ben was talking to JoJo on that bathroom floor (admitting he loved the other woman) because JoJo is the only one who can get Ben to open up. Seems like a great foundation for conflict resolution in the future, right!? OH WELL.
4. You gotta look at the Moms.
The Bachelor doesn’t usually get my full attention, but when the Bachelor’s Mom is on the screen I watch her carefully. These Mothers aren’t prepped to be on TV and they know their child well. Possibly the best. So a Mother’s reaction to the women the Bachelor brings home might tell you more than the rest of the show can.
Watch Ben’s Mom with Lauren. First question Ben’s Mom asks Lauren, “Have you seen the side of Ben where he’s his own worst critic?” She’s looking for a woman that is going to take of her son. Lauren goes, “I have a little bit … How could I most help him as a partner?” And the Mom goes, “You have to commit to the fact that, ‘you are the one I want to walk through the hard times with.'” Lauren goes, “I think I’m ready to do that.” To which the Mom replies, “are you?” She doubts Lauren can be that person for Ben. So do I, Momma.
Then JoJo sits down with Ben’s Mom. And what does JoJo talk about? How Ben makes her feel safe. The Mom goes, “it’s interesting that you would say that, that you would use the word ‘safe’ because he said the same thing about you. He [said] you are always the first to just bring him to that calm place, that safe place, and in the meantime though have great fun and laugh and it sounds like you do that too.” And then Ben’s Mom beams at JoJo. That’s what she wants for her son. That’s what we all want. A partner. Someone to share all the good times and bad, and JoJo was that for Ben and he threw it all away.