Tag: parenting

If the title wasn’t a big enough giveaway, this is going to be a nerdy post… You’ve been warned. 

I grew up in-between Star Wars series. I watched the originals often on VHS. Never saw them in the theater (until later). Episode I came out when I was in high school and the rest followed into college.

I was old enough to know that Episode I wasn’t a great movie, but also young enough to admit that the lightsaber battle between Qui Gon Jin, Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul was the coolest Star Wars thing I had ever seen. But… Jar Jar. I mean… dang.

Anyway, I’ve been wondering ever since about how to show my kids Star Wars. Neither of the traditional approaches have seemed like good ones. If I show them in numerical order, then the surprise of Darth Vader is missed. Even though I didn’t see it in the theater, I remember being shocked, and I love that memory. On the other hand, if you show the movies in release order, then you leave the whole series on a weird, dark, and definitely not the best Star Wars taste in your mouth. (NOOOOOO!!) Luckily for me, the internet had the answer.

Enter Machete Order.

Rod Hilton has saved me from spiraling into a geek whirlpool. He suggests that when showing someone (like my kids), “Star Wars for the first time, watch the films with them in this order: IV, V, II, III, VI.”

That’s right, there’s an episode missing in there, but Hilton explains, “Episode I is completely irrelevant to the rest of the series.” But, I can hear your nerdy, completist juices boiling to the surface, but I’m going to step back and let him explain for a minute:

Every character established in Episode I is either killed or removed before it ends (Darth Maul, Qui-Gon, Chancellor Valorum), unimportant (Nute Gunray, Watto), or established better in a later episode (Mace Windu, Darth Sidious). Does it ever matter that Palpatine had an apprentice before Count Dooku? Nope, Darth Maul is killed by the end of Episode I and never referenced again. You may as well just start with the assumption that Dooku was the only apprentice. Does it ever matter that Obi-Wan was being trained by Qui-Gon? Nope, Obi-Wan is well into training Anakin at the start of Episode II, Qui-Gon is completely irrelevant.Search your feelings, you know it to be true! Episode I doesn’t matter at all. You can start the prequels with Episode II and miss absolutely nothing. The opening crawl of Episode II establishes everything you need to know about the prequels: a bunch of systems want to leave the Republic, they are led by Count Dooku, and Senator Amidala is a senator who is going to vote on whether the Republic is going to create an army. Natalie Portman is called Senator Amidala twice in the first 4 minutes of the movie, so there’s no question of who’s who.

But, surely there’s stuff that’s left out! Things happen! I know. It was hard for me to accept at first too… until Hilton listed a few things that I would “no longer have to see as part of your Star Wars viewing experience, thanks to skipping Episode I.”

Are you ready? Again, here’s Hilton (with a few select edits to clean up the language):

1. Virtually no Jar-Jar. Jar-Jar has about 5 lines in Episode II, and zero in Episode III.
2. No midichlorians. There is only one reference to midichlorians after Episode I, and in the context it appears to mean something as benign as “DNA.”
3. No Jake Lloyd. Sorry Jake, your acting is terrible and I never really wanted to see Darth Vader as a little boy.
4. No confusing Padme/Queen switcheroo. The whole subplot with Padme and her decoy makes absolutely no sense. It’s clear that this was just so people could interact with Padme without knowing she was the Queen, but it’s incredibly convoluted and pointless.
5. Less confusing master/apprentice relationships. Darth Sidious is training Count Dooku, Obi-Wan is training Anakin. No other trainer/trainee relationships exist to confuse the backstory. Fewer characters to learn about, so the story is more focused.
6. Nothing about trade disputes. The “problem” as of Episode II is that a group of systems want to leave the Republic. This is much easier to understand for a kid than trade disputes.
7. No pod racing. Seriously, who [cares]? An action sequence for the sake of an action sequence and it goes on forever. A huge number of plot holes surrounding gambling and the subsequent freeing of Anakin are removed as well.
8. No virgin birth. We simply don’t know or care who Anakin’s father is, and the subtle implication that it’s Palpatine is gone.

It’s not feeling so bad anymore… is it? But leaving Episode I out of the viewing order isn’t just “about pretending a crappy movie doesn’t exist.”

Why Does Machete Order Work Better?

In Star Wars, the main story is truly about Luke. About him learning about the Jedi and destroying the Empire. As Hilton explains, “Just when Luke is left with the burning question, ‘how did my father become Darth Vader?’ we take an extended flashback to explain exactly how. Once we understand how his father turned to the Dark Side, we go back to the main storyline and see how Luke is able to rescue him from it and salvage the good in him.”

The original trilogy is easily the more complete trilogy and plot. The beginning, middle and end are all well done. Meanwhile the prequels leave much to be desired. Watching in Machete Order, you “start with the film that does the best job of estabilishing the Star Wars universe, Episode IV, and end with the most satisfying ending, Episode VI.” To me, this was one of the most important parts. He has a few other little things that do make it a more enjoyable experience, but they pale in comparison to keeping the story whole and entertaining.

Among the other examples of what works better:

1. “Anakin is never a carefree child yelling ‘yippee!’… Episode II quickly establishes him as impulsive and power-hungry, which keeps his character consistent with eventually becoming Darth Vader.”
2. “This completely hides the totally weird age gap between [Anakin and Padme] from Episode I, and lends a lot of believability to the subsequent romance.”
3. “Obi-Wan now always has a beard… Anakin Skywalker always wears black… since these two characters are played by different actors, having them look visually consistent does a great deal toward reinforcing they are the same people.”
4. In Episode I, “it’s pretty obvious that [Darth] Sidious is Palpatine. If you skip Episode I, all we ever see is that Count Dooku is leading a separatist movement, all on his own. Dooku tells Obi-Wan that the Senate is under the control of a Sith lord named “Darth Sidious”, but at the end of the movie, after Dooku flees from Geonosis, he meets with his “master”, who turns out to be Darth Sidious. This is the first time we realize that the separatist movement is actually being controlled by Sidious, and it’s the first time we see him, which doesn’t give the audience a chance to realize he’s Palpatine (remember, nobody has ever referred to “Emperor Palpatine” by this point in the series).”
5. “As an added bonus, there are now 5 hours of film between the discovery that [Luke and Leia] are siblings and the time they kissed.”

What Works Best in Machete Order?

According to Hilton, “this order actually makes a particular tension in Return of the Jedi stronger.” Anything that can make an already strong movie even better sounds good to me. And this was the point where I completely bought into this mind set. It reinforces so many things that were already there, but  makes it sound so much better. Here, let me allow Hilton to bring it home:

Remember, we see in Episode V that Luke’s vision in the cave on Degobah is that he turns into Darth Vader, then we find out Vader is his father. Then we watch Episodes II and III, in which his father turns to the dark side in order to protect his loved ones. After that we go back to VI, where eventually Luke confronts the Emperor.

Remember that since we never saw Anakin as a little kid [in this order], he’s about the same age the first time we see him as Luke was in Episode VI. Hayden Christensen’s incessant whining in Episode II is actually less annoying now, because it’s helping to link the character to Luke, who was just as whiny in Episode IV. In other words, because we skipped Episode I, the parallels between Luke and Anakin are much stronger. We’ve seen Obi-Wan train just the two of them, and never had to see anyone training Obi-Wan himself. The viewer is naturally linking the paths of these two characters together at this point.

The first time we see Luke in Return of the Jedi, he’s wearing all-black, just like his father did. He gives R2D2 and C-3P0 to Jabba the Hutt, much to their surprise. Luke isn’t exactly looking like a clean-cut Jedi like he claims. Then, when he finally enters Jabba’s palace, the musical cue sounds a bit like the Imperial March, and the way he enters with the light behind him makes it unclear if he is Luke or Vader. Then, he force chokes Jabba’s guards, something only Vader has done in the series! Nobody else sees him do this.

When he confronts Jabba, he warns him that he’s taking his friends back. He says Jabba can either profit from this, “or be destroyed.” Furthermore, he tells Jabba “not to underestimate my power.” The last time this phrase was used, it was by Anakin when dueling Obi-Wan. When watching Jedi on its own, Luke just seems a tad arrogant during these scenes. When watching Jedi immediately after watching Revenge of the Sith, the message is clear: Luke Skywalker is on the path to the Dark Side.

Why does this matter? Because at the end of Jedi, Luke confronts the Emperor. The Emperor explains that the assault on the new Death Star is a trap and that his friends are going to die, and he keeps taunting Luke, telling him to grab his lightsaber and fight him. The film is trying to create a tension that Luke might embrace the Dark Side, but it was never really believable. However, within the context of him following in his father’s footsteps and his father using the power of the dark side to save people, with Luke’s friends being killed just outside the Death Star window, this is much more believable.

Shortly after, Luke goes [crazy] and beats the [heck] out of Vader, clearly succumbing to his anger. He overpowers Vader with rage and cuts his arm off, just like Anakin did to Windu in Episode III. Having the very real threat of Luke following in his father’s path made clear by watching II and III before VI heightens the tension of this scene, and it actually makes Return of the Jedi better. Yes, watching Revenge of the Sith makes Return of the Jedi a better, more effective film. Considering it’s the weakest of the original trilogy films, this improvement is welcome.

What to do about Episode I?

Neither of us are suggesting completely eliminating Episode I from the Star Wars universe (my poor Darth Maul!). But what Hilton suggests is to keep Episode I in the same place as all of the books, video games, cartoons, Ewok spinoffs, and Christmas specials. It’s all bonus features. Do you need to know about Anakin building C3PO? Not really. In fact, that part doesn’t make a ton of sense anyway. This way, we get to maintain that the movie exists, just not as a part of the main viewing experience.

In conclusion…

My daughter is two and has been on a princess kick. So, what do I do? Introduce her to one of the most awesome princesses in the galaxy of course! Princess Leia! She makes a kick-butt part of Episode IV, so that’s where I started her just the other night.

Thank you to Rod Hilton for really solving a problem for me, and thanks to the internet for finally pointing me in his direction.

Check out his full post (some language). Follow Rod Hilton on Twitter, and thank him for being the best kind of nerd.

Support The Underfold (and your inner geek) and buy all six films on Blu Ray in one pack!  (then set Episode I aside for a while)

(All quoted content used by permission from Rod Hilton.)